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"Stop at every repeat sign and discuss in detail…"

All this brilliant advice comes from the Passion4Jazz site

Tips for the Jazz MusicianA few things to remember at the gig.

-Everyone should play the same tune.

-Always wear dark glasses, the darker the better. You won’t be able to see a thing but people will think you’re deep and mysterious.

-Stop at every repeat sign, and discuss in detail whether to take the repeat or not. The audience will love this a lot!

-If you play a wrong note, give a nasty look to one of the other cats.

-When talking into the mic, start everything with “Hey man…”

-Keep your fingering chart handy. You can always catch up with the others.

-Carefully tune your instrument before playing. That way you can play out of tune all night with a clear conscience.

-When hitting a high note, always throw your head back and make a grizzly face expression.

-Take your time turning pages.

-The right note at the wrong time is a wrong note, except among the tone-deaf.

-If everyone gets lost except you, follow those who get lost.

-Strive to play the maximum NPS (note per second). That way you gain the admiration of the incompetent.

-Markings for slurs, dynamics and ornaments should not be observed. They are only there to embellish the printed score.

-If a passage is difficult, slow down. If it’s easy, speed it up. Everything will work itself out in the end.

-If you are completely lost, stop everyone and say, “I think we should tune”.

-Happy are those who have not perfect pitch, for the kingdom of music is theirs.

-If the ensemble has to stop because of you, explain in detail why you got lost. Everyone will be very interested
-A wrong note played timidly is a wrong note. A wrong note played with authority is an interpretation

-A true interpretation is realized when there remains not one note of the original.

-When everyone else has finished playing, you should not play any notes you have left.

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