Our lives are punctuated by health and safety warnings. If it’s not flash photography or products containing nuts, it’s risk of dehydration. And so on. Which brings me to Noel Coward’s Mad Dogs and Englishmen, one of twenty-five songs on Mary Carewe’s Serious Cabaret, a cllection which spans from Charles Ives and Alexander von Zemlinsky in 1900- 1901 to William Bolcom songs from the 1980’s and 1990’s, via points between such as Kurt Weill and Lionel Bart….
Here are six things to beware of, in just the one song by Noel Coward:
– Excessive exposure to sunshine
– Dangerous dogs
– Nuts
– Burmese bandits (keep your possesssions in sight etc.)
– Put your Scotch or rye down and lie down (Drinking alcohol in excessive heat)
– A noonday gun (accidental detonation of firearms)
Can anyone do better and find a song with more potential health and safety warnings. A copy of the CD to the reader who can find the most. Email me or add a comment. Two warnings: 1) Mary Carewe’s and my decisions as regards validity of entries will be final. 2) This competition may contain nuts.
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The obvious one is: 'Button up your Overcoat'
My comments in Caps.
'Button up your Overcoat'
When the wind is free, (HEALTH ADVICE AVOIDING CHILLS)
Oh, take good care of yourself,
You belong to me!
Eat an apple every day, (NUTRITION)
Get to bed by three, (GENERAL HEALTH)
Be careful crossing streets, (ROAD SAFETY)
ooh-ooh,
Cut out sweets, (OBESITY)ooh-ooh,
Lay off meat, ooh-ooh,
You'll get a pain and ruin your tum-tum! (HEALTHY EATING)
Wear your flannel underwear,
When you climb a tree, (MODESTY+ HEALTH)
Oh, take good care of yourself,
You belong to me!
When you sass a traffic cop,
Use diplomacy; (KEEPING OUT OF JAIL)
Just take good care of yourself,
You belong to me!
Beware of frozen funds, ooh-ooh,
Stocks and bonds, ooh-ooh,
Dockside thugs, ooh-ooh, (GENERAL FINANCIAL KNOW-HOW)
You'll get a pain and ruin your bankroll!
Keep the spoon out of your cup,
When you're drinking tea, (CHOKING HAZARD)
Oh, take good care of yourself,
You belong to me!
Don't sit on hornet's tails, ooh-ooh!
Or on nails, ooh-ooh!
Or third rails, ooh-ooh! (HEALTH & SAFETY PRECAUTIONS)
You'll get a pain and ruin your tum-tum!
Keep away from bootleg hooch (SAFE DRINKING)
(Or alternative words:
keep away from College girls (STDs))
When you're on a spree,
Oh, take good care of yourself,
You belong to me!